British archeologists returning to the Leicester car park where they found the remains of King Richard III, having finally remembered where they parked their car, have discovered a second coffin buried inside a third coffin. According to archeologist Timothy Cupcake, there is only one explanation, it must be King Richard III’s pet coffin, buried with him to keep him company in the afterlife.
The pet coffin is made of lead, and Professor Cupcake believes that this may be the real reason for Richard’s famously hunched back. “Imagine carrying a lead coffin around all the time, cuddling it, kissing it, giving it baths, lead is really heavy! If Paris Hilton had a lead chihuahua, I bet she’d have a hunched back too.”
Fellow archeologist Amy Penpal, however, points out that “Richard didn’t actually have a hunched back. That was an invention of the Elizabethan propagandist William Shakespeare.”
But Professor Cupcake is not so easily swayed. “It makes me wonder about that famous quote. If Richard was so fond of pet coffins, I bet what he actually said was more like “A coffin, a coffin, my kingdom for a pet coffin to love and cuddle.”
“That’s not a quote,” says Professor Penpal, “it’s a line from a fictional play. Did you bother to actually check his qualifications, or are you just going to print whatever he says because it makes for an interesting story? I suppose now you’ll present each of us as two equally valid sides to a meaningful argument.”
Debate over the origin of the coffin continues, with no clear answer in sight.
Reported by Sam Rugg