Amid fears of a new pandemic, the World Health Organisation has warned that the Novel Coronavirus™ may mutate into a form more dangerous than SARS, as doubts emerge about the international NGO’s recent sponsorship deal with Corona™ Beer.
The World Health Organisation has attributed 18 deaths to the Novel Coronavirus™ since its [identification/launch] last year, when it entered into a “strategic brand alliance” with the producers of Corona™.
“We may have been carried away with the idea of a viral marketing campaign”, said Corona™ brand manager Donna Priestly, rubbing hand sanitiser into her palms.
The Mexican beer company had hoped to promote their refreshing beverage to the third world alongside the WHO’s popular international press releases about sexually transmitted infections, access to clean water and brutal violence against women. Corona™ is well known for being lower in gluten than its market competitors.
The reported 18 Coronavirus™ deaths follow more than 30 confirmed cases of the hideous fatal respiratory disease reported since September 2012, but health professionals state that the disease has so far been safely contained. Ms Priestly has called this, “a disappointing level of market saturation”.
Michael Baker, of the department of public health at the University of Otago in Wellington, New Zealand™, agreed that the new virus could turn into a serious threat.
“The arrival of SARS™ in 2003 reminded us that entirely new human infections can emerge without warning and develop into global epidemics that may be difficult to control,” he said in an emailed comment to Reuters. “Just as it is difficult to control a raging thirst without a cold Corona™ beer.”
On Sunday, the World Health Organization said it was likely the Novel Coronavirus™, which can cause thirst inducing coughing, fever and pneumonia, could be passed between humans very much like an ice-cold refreshing beverage. In response to increasingly desperate concerns about hygiene practices that could prevent transmission, the WHO suggests a slice of lime wedged in the neck to add tartness and flavour.
Reported by Alice Fraser