Fifty Shades Of Grey is the most popular book among Guantanamo Bay inmates, according to US congressman Jim Moran. “They just love it, which I think is a bit rich given all the fuss they make when we bind and whip them. They won’t even try our torture swing.”
The media were given rare access to inmates during Moran’s visit, provided they only discussed literary tastes. “What I like most about Fifty Shades is how soft and caring they are to one another,” said one inmate between screams, while strapped to a chair as his daily meal was forced through a tube up his nose. “After all the torture and forced feedings, it’s nice to read about a happy couple expressing themselves in the most gentle way we’re still capable of imagining.” Though the charges against him were dropped four years ago, he remains in solitary confinement and can’t be named for legal reasons.
Some inmates have been so inspired by the novel that began as Twilight fanfiction that they’ve begun to write fan fiction of their own. “In my novel, Anastasia Steele accidentally books a plane ticket while Muslim, and gets sent to a secretive military prison,” explains another inmate. “But then Christian Grey, a kind prison guard, falls in love with her, so he waterboards her, desecrates her holy book in front of her, threatens to rape her with a dog, you know, romances her. That’s what love is, right? I’ve been in here so long, sometimes it’s hard to remember.”
Other favourites include the Twilight series “Because going to high school forever reminds me of my own endless imprisonment,” and Jamie Oliver’s 50 Great Meals To Force Through Your Nose With A Tube, “Because variety is important, and I’m often forced to identify with his nakedness.”
Reported by Sam Rugg