As a man, it had always seemed reasonable to expect that I would never find myself asking strangers to pay for my breast implants. And then I found myself creating an email address for Jack Stone. Jack Stone, child of my mind, was a man’s man. He hunted, he made his own jerky, he loved that thing where adults get paid to run around a field and care a lot about a sphere. What’s it called? Sports. And of course, like all red blooded men, Jack loved breasts, the most important spheres of all. Jack had just one problem, he didn’t really like women. Luckily, I had discovered a way for Jack to enjoy breasts as much as he wanted, without ever having to deal with a woman again. He was going to get his own free breasts, and make friends doing it.
Once upon a time, before Jack was so much as a glimmer in my eye, a group of friends went to a bachelor party in Las Vegas. There, drunk, they decided to give a stripper money for her upcoming boob job, and the world would never be the same again. Because after that night, those friends decided it would have been a crime to hide such an important idea from the world, so they set about creating a website where other men could pay for the breasts of strangers too. Myfreeimplants.com was born. A website where men can pay for the breast implants of women they’ll never meet, often in exchange for naked pictures.
Now, say what you will about my priorities, but it wasn’t the free breasts and naked pictures that drew my interest to My Free Implants (or MFI for impatient people). It was the emphasis placed on friendship. You see, MFI doesn’t see itself as an alternate reality version of Ebay, with only one product and one currency. MFI sees itself as a wish granting Facebook, blessing the world not just with bigger breasts, but with friendship. Over and over the site promises the chance to make life long friendships. The very first selling point on the front page is “Real Women. Real Donors. Real Friendships.” I’m not sure why they left out “Fake Breasts.” I was fascinated by the amount of effort they put behind the friendship angle when the real point of the website was so glaringly obvious. Almost the entire front page is taken up by a picture of a man being caressed by two beautiful women while he looks at a third beautiful woman in a bikini.
And so Jack Stone was born, a man on a quest for breasts. The plan seemed perfect. If all the men were on MFI to make friends, well who were they going to get on better with, some Twilight loving beautician, or a fellow breast loving, car fixing, beer brewing man? Jack would have his breasts paid for within the week.
Step one was to register an account for Jack. First, Jack had to decide if he was a contributor or a recipient by ticking the circle beneath one of a pair of stock photos (a woman with a help wanted sign for recipient, and a man wrapped in a woman, inexpertly photoshopped in front of a second woman, for contributor). He clicked recipient.
Now it was time to fill in Jack’s profile. First, Jack needed a quote. He wanted to fit in, so he decided to go with a line from William Shakespeare’s Richard III. Specifically, “That which in mean men we intitle patience / Is a pale cold cowardice in noble breasts.” Next was the ‘about me section,’ Jack’s went like this:
I love breasts, but I don’t really like women. That’s why I’ve decided to get a pair of my very own breasts. With your help, I can live a life with as much breast fondling as I want, and no boring conversations about makeup and flowers.
And on the way, I hope to make some real friends as well. I mean think about it, who are you more likely to form a lifelong friendship with, a fellow red blooded, breast loving man, or a woman who’s only interested in you for your money? Did I mention I brew my own award winning beer and make my own jerky?
His likes included “breasts,” “beer,” “jerky,” “cars,” “football” and “hunting.” His dislikes were “women” and “feelings.”
Finally, Jack had to set his ‘surgery goal.’ There were four options:
Breast Augmentation with Implants (Silicone or Saline): $5,000
Breast Lift with Implants (Silicone or Saline): $7,500
Breast Lift without Implants: $5,000
Breast Augmentation-Fat Transfer: $10,000.
Since Jack didn’t have any breasts to lift, that narrowed down his choices. Did he want silicone or fat? Jack decided that if he was going to be a man with breasts, he was going to be a man with gigantic, impossible breasts, and he just didn’t have enough body fat to fill them. Silicone or saline it was. After making that tough decision, he then had to pick a reason from the selection provided. Unfortunately there wasn’t an option for ‘hates women,’ only ‘medical’ and ‘cosmetic’. Jack went with cosmetic.
At long last, it was time to browse the men on the site and start looking for potential friends to fund Jack’s new breasts. It was at this point that our plan was foiled. I had gone in expecting obnoxious misogynists and frat boys. Moneyed men keen to exploit the low self esteem and poor body image of innocent women. Jack had gone in expecting fellow men to be manly with. What we found were hundreds of lonely men who just wanted someone to talk to and had found a place where if they paid enough, women might give them the time of day. Many of the men worked in professions where it is hard to meet women. They drove trucks, worked in factories, an unusually large percentage of them were or had been in the military. Some specifically requested that women not send them sexualised photos. It turned out that far from being lured in by the breasts, a large number of these men actually had been lured in by the possibility of friendship.
Scoot112 wrote:Not really sure what to write, not that easy to talk about yourself. I am not a very outgoing person for the most part. A little more talkative after I get to know someone. Had a great time so far on MFI.
His profile picture was a cute dog. His likes were “coffee” and “honest people.” He had no dislikes.
bobbowe wrote: I am an average guy living in Illinois. I try to be a good person and be myself when I talk to people. I joined this site because one of my dear friends is a member on the female side and she would never ask me for help with anything so when she mentioned that she was trying this I wanted to support her in whatever way I could. I like making new friends and learning about people. I am not really looking for anything except good conversation and maybe making some new friends.
His likes were “sports,” “exercise” and “conversation.” His dislikes were “rude,” “bossy” and “nconsiderate.”
40yearoldv wrote : Simplest way to sum me up is what I told one woman on here while I was chatting with them:
“I’m sorry, I’m thinking with my brain instead of my penis.”
I want conversation, I want intelligence, I want a person. If all I wanted was boobs there’s a ton of places out on the net to see them cheap and with less fuss. I don’t donate quick, I want people that respect me, because I intend to give them a ton of respect as well. I am not a wallet with hormones here!
His likes included “books” and “simplicity.” His dislikes were “drugs,” “tattoos,” “booze,” and “excessive piercings.”
As a recipient, Jack was free to send as many messages as he wanted, but for contributors, every reply costs money. Despite the depth of his desire for free breasts, Jack felt uncomfortable taking advantage of these men. I didn’t know what to think. Had my investigation come to an end before it had even begun? And then I had a thought. If this wasn’t a website for vile, monied men to take advantage of insecure women, could it instead be the women who were taking advantage of the men? I mean, someone had to be taking advantage of someone, right? Otherwise my article wouldn’t work. There was only one way to find out. It was time to invent another person.
Simon Lint was a lonely man who just wanted to have some kind of contact with a woman. He hoped that by talking to women on MFI, he would build up the confidence to finally talk to a woman in real life, and finally get a girlfriend. Like Jack, he was thirty, but unlike Jack, Outlook wouldn’t let him register his birthday, the 29th of Febuary, 1983. Whether that was because of Microsoft prejudice or simply the fact that 1983 wasn’t a leap year, one thing was sure, it was just typical of Simon’s sad and predictably disappointing life. He wasn’t even allowed to have his own birthday. The answer to the security question “name of first pet” was “Never allowed one.” For his MFI username I felt Simon needed something endearing but a little bit pathetic. I suggested ‘letsbefriends,’ and Simon loved it without irony. As a contributor, MFI promised Simon he would be able to “Help women, change lives, make friends.”
Unlike the awkward, poorly produced, male voiced introduction video for recipients, the introduction video for contributors was professionally made and voiced by a sexy sounding woman. She promised that Simon could “help women achieve the body of their dreams simply through creating friendships and interacting.” I wondered why she left out the part about Simon giving them his money, but Simon was sure it was an innocent case of forgetfulness. The video went on to explain that unlike normal social media or even dating sites, on MFI, the women actually chased the men. This, they explained, was a good thing, but could also be a little overwhelming with the amount of women wanting to ‘get to know you.’ Again, Simon was sure she had simply forgotten to mention the money part. It was an honest mistake.
Sure enough, literally before he’d had a chance to begin, Simon’s friends list was full of women. All the most successful women on the site are automatically registered as friends for new members. Just like in real life, the more money the girls on MFI were given, the more help they were received to to be given more. Then, before Simon had written a word in his profile, he received twenty messages welcoming him to the site and hoping to get to know him better. Almost all of Simon’s new friends claimed to be nurses, vets or social workers, people from caring industries that made Simon want to help them. Now, obviously it’s pretty rare to come across a nurse, vet or social worker who doesn’t have enormous fake breasts, since it’s impossible to be taken seriously in those industries without a giant fraudulent chest, but I was still a bit suspicious. Why weren’t there any aspiring models and actresses? Simon didn’t like my cynicism. It was quite simple, he explained, aspiring models and actresses must earn so much money from waitressing that they don’t need MFI to pay for their fake breasts. It’s the vets who need money.
Most of Simon’s new friends were quite friendly. SJ4 sent Simon this:
Hi, I saw your profile and thought I would drop by and say hello and see how your weekend and start of the week were and do you have any plans for the rest of the week? How are you finding the site since you joined yesterday? Have you had a chance to get used to the site yet and speak to a few of the girls yet?
By the way my name is Sam and im 22 from South Wales in the UK. I have 2 kids and im married, I currently have a 34D/DD UK bust size but im looking to get a breast lift after breast feeding both my kids (probably to much information, lol) I will also look at going upto a F/G UK cup size either through the lift or with implants after the lift surgery.
While SJ4 felt that mentioning breast feeding was too much information, her profile offered ‘6 BJ pix and 4 short clips of me giving/receiving oral with male,’ in exchange for donations.
A few messages were a bit more direct. Teelicious sent Simon two messages in three days, despite a lack of response. She didn’t waste time either, but went straight after Simon’s money after only the briefest illusion of civility.
Hello and welcome, hope your week is going good so far! I am trying to get to #14 on the CTG list so if there is a pic set or video you had you eye on, make me an offer
Simon was envious of her confidence, but a little confused. She hadn’t even mentioned friendship!
Others went straight for the emotions. XoXAiyannaXoX explained that she had got pregnant at a young age, but lost the baby. Unfortunately, it had effected both her breasts and her self esteem. Although she was already twenty three, she planned one day in the future to be a youth worker and help troubled teenage girls. Simon felt it seemed like quite a lot of deeply personal information for a stranger to immediately share. I felt that her breast lift with implants (silicone or saline) would be a firm and almost lifelike comfort to those troubled teenage girls in their time of need.
XoXAiyannaXoX listed her likes as “sex,” “cuddling,” “doggy style,” “kissing” and “tickling.” Her dislikes were “bad teeth,” “red meat” and “stinky people.”
LittleAngieKay humbly accepted a friend request Simon hadn’t sent her.:
Ok;-) I’ll be friends w/ you! I’m in the US but i work nights, so I make a lot of Australian friends!
It was very nice of her, but one thing was confusing. According to LittleAngieaKay’s profile, she was a veterinary technician, and had been since she was eighteen. Simon was happily surprised, he’d never heard of a veterinary technician who worked nights, and now here one was. Was his luck finally coming around? Simon, in his own socially awkward way, sent her this:
Wow! Thank you so much for being friends with me, LittleAngieKay! I’m very lucky to have a friend who is so pretty, and also a veterinary technician.
I love animals too. I always wanted to have a dog or a cat. Unfortunately, I was never allowed to have pets growing up, because Mum’s boyfriend didn’t like them. But I always love to stop and pat them in the street. Once I house sat for a friend from work, and got to live with two dogs for a week. That was great, even though one of them bit me!
I want to get a dog or a cat now, but they cost lots of money to feed and take care of, and I don’t know if I can afford to have a dog or a cat, and help ladies like you. What do you think I should do?
Do many veterinary technicians work nights?
To her credit, LittleAngieKay’s reply went like this:
Owning a pet is a personal choice, I’d have a lot more time and money if I didn’t have so many pets looking at me to feed and love them so much lol, not to mention clean up after them.. But my favorite times are lazy sundays when I’m in bed watching a movie and all my pets surrounding me in bed sleeping peacefully together:-) I’d rather have moments like that then extra money. To me it’s not if I can afford them, it’s how if that makes sense.
There are 24 hour clinics in most all states but the regular general veterinary practice in usually only open during the day, I lucked out finding this position, suits my life very well!
Reluctantly I accepted that perhaps they weren’t all gold digging liars. Simon was sure that none of them were. Yes, life had never been terribly kind to him, women had never before shown the slightest interest in him and he still hadn’t filled out his profile, but as more messages came in every day he was sure these women saw through all that. If GoddessBody (Likes: “big boobs!” “Getting Bigger Boobs!” and “Cool People!” Dislikes: “Rudeness!” “mean people!” and “chat requests without tribute”) said he had stood out from the hundreds of other men who had registered since he had, despite having no picture and no details on the site beyond the username ‘letsbefriends,’ then he and GoddessBody had a connection a cynic like me could never understand. Finally, he’d found people who appreciated him as a person.
I wanted him to be right. I did. But I needed to be sure he was right. So I enlisted the help of my old acquaintance Adam Hunter, Nazi. He signed up for his own MFI account, under the username ‘mystruggle.’ Unlike Simon, Adam insisted on filling out his profile immediately. But since the reason Adam signed up was to find out how common Simon’s experience had been, not the willingness of people to forgive Hitler in exchange for breasts, we decided to be a lot more subtle about his race hate than we had been with his last outing. This is what he wrote:
I believe in achieving goals no matter what it takes, and I want to help anyone who feels the same way.
I want to live in a world where everyone is physically perfect, be that measured by breast size or skin colour. Of course, that is going to take a lot of work, but I hope that by helping each other, we can make that world together. If not for everyone, then at least for us, and people like us.
For his quote he picked “It is not truth that matters, but victory,” although he forgot to attribute it to its originator, Hitler.
To nobody’s surprise but Simon’s, Adam’s inbox immediately began to fill.With exactly the same messages Simon had received, word for word. Coincidence of coincidences, his profile had stood out to GoddessBody’s too! There were, however, a few outliers from girls who had taken the time to read Adam’s profile.
I like what you say in your profile.. very nice… if only the world was a perfect place!!! hehe but whose perception of perfect? yours or mine??? hope your day is amazing and the chicks are treating you right!!! If u ever wanna chat to a chilled out chick… let me know mate!
Miss21477701 was “studying to become a Police Officer and would like to be a good lookin’ one!” Her likes included “gentlemen,” “Dirty Men,” and “oil tycoons.” Her dislikes included “Seafood,” “players,” and, in my words rather than hers, “people who neglect to reciprocate oral coitus.”
Mostly, however, Adam received exactly the same emails Simon had. Many made offers of help or friendship, many claimed to have chosen Adam specifically, some just offered naked photos in exchange for money. But was that a bad thing? When we replied, they replied in kind, and most of their replies to Simon, no matter how awkward he got, or how much he talked about his mother, were kind. These women might not have given Simon the time of day in real life, but on MFI, with the possibility of money ever looming, everyone was willing to be his friend. What we’d discovered was a website full of people who, while it might have been in questionable ways, were helping each other. And if the promised friendships weren’t as real as they might have been, for men like Simon they were better than nothing.
While that might have been good for the people involved, it was terrible for me. I needed a big climax for my article.
So I invented one last character: Roger Mooreson. Roger Mooreson, as his name might suggest, was the son of Roger Moore, named according to some archaic naming tradition I had made up and decided Roger Moore believed in. Unfortunately, though it was still being kept a secret from the world, Roger Mooreson’s father, Roger Moore, had just died. Less unfortunately, he had left his progeny a huge fortune. Thus, Roger’s profile came to say this:
Following the tragic passing of my father, I have found myself in possession of a vast inheritance. I would like to honour his memory by using his wealth to help others, and this is just one of the ways I have chosen to help.
So I have decided to pay in full for the transformation of five women from this website. All you have to do is tell me why you should be one of those five women.
The response was… How best to describe an avalanche?
A lot of familiar messages tumbled in. Like Simon and Adam, Roger had stood out to GoddessBody, though strangely she didn’t say anything about his inheritance. But on top of that came a cascade of support in this time of need. Strangely, however, very few offered reasons why they deserved Roger’s money. The vast majority simply offered their condolences, complimented Roger for doing something so kind, and assured him that they weren’t like all the other women they were sure were begging for his fortune. For some reason I kept remembering a day from primary school when one of the other kids had brought a box of chocolates. The entire class surrounded him, begging and pleading. Naturally, I wanted a chocolate too, but how was I to stand out from the crowd? Instead of pleading my own case, I told the other children to leave the boy alone, sure that once the boy recognised me as his friend and defender, he would reward my efforts. I don’t know what made me think of that.
Blondie243 wrote Roger this:
I am truly sorry to hear about your father Roger (had she forgot to put a comma between father and Roger, or did she know that Roger’s father was Roger Moore?)
My father is very sick right now. I have posted a lot about him in my blogs. I know it pains me very much to think that I am going to lose him. It’s nice that you do like to help others and you seem like a great guy to think about others like you do. I hope to chat with you sometime. I have a lot of info posted on my profile about why I am here, likes and dislikes, etc. I will let you decide why I should be one of the five women that you help. I know that I do enjoy helping others and am probably here for a much different reason than most. I have a certain career that I would like to pursue and I’m wanting to get rid of my current breast tissue because breast cancer runs on my dads side of the family. I am being tested to see if I carry the gene. I do know that I have a lot of dense breast tissue and that’s not good. I hope you are enjoying the site. Btw, I like the fact that you are a idealists; did you know that only 25% of the population are idealists? This is what I have read anyway. Again, I am very sorry to hear about your daddy sweetie.
I felt awful. Grief sicken as he was, even Roger felt bad. We had gone too far. Then we read her profile.
I cant wait till I get my G cup boobies, so I can show them to everyone!! I am actually going to go with silicone and the internal bra. I cant go large enough with fat transfer and the surgeon said I don’t have enough fat on my bod to really go that route.
Oh yeah and I was just wondering….If women have over the shoulder bolder holders, then do men have under the nut butt huts? Ooops… there goes my twisted sense of humor.
She had thirty five likes, including “marketing,” “guns,” “sunshine” and “big rigs.” Her dislikes included “negative people” and “corrupt politicians.”
In the end, I’m not sure what I learned. While My Free Implants might be a website where women can sell naked pictures of themselves in exchange for fake breasts, it’s also a website where, real or not, lonely men can buy something approximating friendship. Obviously it would be nice if these men didn’t have to pay for friendship, and those women didn’t feel the need for fake breasts just to feel attractive, but until Adam Hunter rises to power, this is the world we live in. I went in looking for a villain, someone taking advantage of someone else, and at the end of the day, if anyone was trying to take advantage of others, it was probably me. No, I take that back. It was Roger Mooreson. What a bastard.
Written by Sam Rugg