Dermatologists and parents alike are concerned as acne amongst 6-10 year olds becomes increasingly wide spread. “I thought we had at least a few more years before our precious little butterfly would become an awkwardly shaped, depressed, fugly mole”, distressed Sarah Mulligan, mother of two exclaimed yesterday. “We figured that by the time she turned 13, we wouldn’t have to see very much of her, anyway. But she’s only 6, and extremely dependent on us! We have to face her face on a day to day basis!”
Dermatology Professor Kurt Gebauer, co-chair of the All About Acne educational charity, says the problem is linked to early puberty. Also that the charity has been raking it in recently. “We’re getting donations left, right, and center. We initially set up the charity as a tax write off, but we’re finding it to be the most profitable scam since ‘Dolce & Gabbana’s Perfect Luminous Foundation’!”
Professor Gebauer went on to suggest that Australians are having less children since this break out. “It really is a shame. I’ve always wanted to have children. But the children I saw in my dreams were cute children. With good skin!”, Adam Lee explained. “I just don’t know if I could come home after a 9 hour day in the office to a small fry, pimple face. I mean… what’s the point of having children anymore?”
Topical gels containing benzoyl peroxide and hormone treatment are the only things saving face of the parents that have to live with this. “You think teaching a child how to feed itself is difficult. Imagine teaching them how to maintain a skincare routine”, Mulligan went on to exasperate. “I just wish I could turn back time”, she said depleted, before giving her 6 year old daughter a Popping Candy Slurpee.
Reported by Tania Safi